The 4th newsletter post has gone up – and out – over at Substack! Here’s a snippet…

what i’m up to

I’m up to so much lately that it’s been really hard for me to let myself slow down enough to write it out. I had last week perfectly planned out and scheduled, but a last-minute change of plans had me rearranging 6 meetings and a dentist appointment to go out to the provinces on a whirlwind two-day, one-night trip to help capture and produce a film for work. We dashed off in the company pick-up truck before 6 am last Monday, spent a whole day interviewing people and filming and then doing that some more, and then the second day more of the same before jumping in the truck to get back in time for an office farewell party for another colleague that night. We slept in the village in a container room at our office location, ate on-site, got to see a beautiful sunset and sunrise, got a couple of fire-ant bites (ouch), managed to entice a whole hoard of little house ants to move into my backpack since I had some gluten-free goodness in there (oops), and didn’t get much sleep overall – but it was worth it. I love being out with people, catching a glimpse of their lives and figuring out the questions to ask that help them open up. And in this case, we are producing more of an actual short film/artistic story, so that means artistic content as well as story and interviews, which meant mapping out scenes, actions, settings, timing, who, and more. I loved it, every bit of it (aside from the bugs).

what i’m thinking

Do you ever think about how we work really hard to grow as our own persons, but then we also weirdly put limitations on ourselves? Even things like, “I never could eat or liked that [food item] so I clearly will never,” which is perhaps a bit of an absurdity when you think about it, since our bodies actually never stop changing even if we lock our opinions up? Or did you ever think about how we want people to acknowledge us for who we ARE and have grown into versus who we were once or how we behaved that one time, and yet we struggle to do the same for those around us or in our lives?

Are we all cats, squeezing ourselves into boxes all the time? Or have we all drawn a beginner’s sketch of ourselves and others and considered it to be the final portrait forever and ever, amen?

Allowing change in ourselves and change in others are two of the scariest things in the world, but there is magic in it. Who knows who we could all become if we dared explore the infinity of possibility alight within and expanding out from us?

what i’m reading

I finished that collection of poetry and you can check out my thoughts on it here, and now I’m forcing myself to read a painfully poignant memoir called “First They Killed My Father” by Loung Ung. A friend here recommended it to me and it is apparently a story that Angelina Jolie made into a film, though I cannot imagine watching it. Imagining is more than enough for me – especially now that I’m living here and getting to know the places and things described. Oof. As hard a read as it is, I am so glad to be working through it, and it is really something to have developed a personal memory or experience with so many of the places here referenced in it or the other descriptions throughout it.

I also spent my Sunday morning just past in the most delightful way; enjoying a theatrical, live read-aloud via Zoom of the 1941 play, “Blithe Spirit” with my sister-in-law once removed and some of her friends. We had such fun and I’ll note the fact that Zoom filters allow for grayscaling your video image was just perfect for reading the ghost bits… It’s a good reminder not only how much I love theatre, but also how brilliant scripts themselves can be and the brilliancy of reading aloud – and in community…

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The 3rd newsletter post has gone up – and out – over at Substack! Here’s a snippet…

what i’m up to

I’m currently listening to a chill playlist my brother made just for me on Spotify, sitting on my rooftop back home in Phnom Penh after spending five-ish blissful days back in the islands (As Gandalf said once, “I strayed out of thought and time” while there). The skyline of the city unfurls around me now, beautifully uneven and chaotic. I love that here the residential mingles with the business, the massively tall building stands alongside the short little houses. I never bore of looking around.

Yesterday I spent the day in the Cambodian countryside with a friend, digging for crabs and wading/walking through rice paddies to fish. She invited me to join her and her restaurant staff on an outing to go fishing and crabbing and enjoy drinks and BBQ back in the village where she grew up and with her extended family. All told, it was about 13 hours of fun and mud and dust with a successful catch of fish, avoiding being pinched by crabs (mostly), finding some bonus snails and frogs, and enjoying a good BBQ and tractor ride afterward through the surrounding hillside. I definitely slept hard and well last night!

what I’m thinking

There’s so much I’ve been thinking about; the usual year-end reflections and processing; the being here and still in COVID for the holidays; and the “where will I be in 2022” questions (answer: it’s still a mystery). Betty White also just died, and it’s pretty amazing that someone could live to days before turning 100 and the whole world still feels like they needed more time with her. A 30-year-old woman I knew was also just struck and killed while jogging in a hit-and-run situation, and it is so hard to see her life, however full and shining, snuffed out so abruptly, senselessly, and soon. So my thoughts are really tied in right now with what it means to lead a good life, to have no regrets, and to live life to the fullest – while respecting the environment, being mindful of others, and not taking foolish risks.

Spending the holidays with two beautiful souls in a rustic resort on an isolated beach on a lonely little island in the Gulf of Thailand this past week was just the thing I needed. We spent our time swimming, lazing, reading, writing, painting, making and enjoying music, dancing, and delighting in the wonder of the world and each other. (There may have also been one terror-inducing evening when wildlife got just a little too close for comfort – but that’s a story for another time!)

I feel a little more connected to my deep core after those restorative days; a little less risk-averse; and a lot more in tune with the deep magic that pervades the world, which can be so beautiful and is so full to bursting with the glorious, terrifying chaos of life.

On my mind right now is..

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A 2nd newsletter post has gone up – and out – over at Substack.com! Here’s a preview… 

what I’m up to

It’s Christmastime and here in Cambodia, or the parts that I’m seeing, that means garland and decorative trees and western holiday music in some stores and restaurants. It also means lots of holiday parties and getaways here, especially among the international community. As for me, I am away in the Gulf of Thailand on an island for a few days enjoying a long weekend with some friends from Phnom Penh.

We’ve got some stormy seas on the side of the island where we are staying due to the hurricane over the Philippines, but so far it is only minorly disruptive here. Since our anticipated boating and swimming activities were canceled due to the rough water, we trekked across the island to a beach on the other side and enjoyed a day of luxury, just swimming and lounging and painting away.

what I’m thinking

People keep asking me what I’m doing for Christmas, or how I’m doing being away from home or family. This won’t be my first Christmas to spend far away from my family…

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